I have a complicated relationship with Christmas. I am the product of a pagan/jungian gnostic and an existentialist demi-jew, and between Mom’s mysticism/impeccable design sense and Dad’s love of deception-based holiday traditions I had some pretty intense xmasses growing up, particularly after they got divorced. I don’t do much in the way of holiday celebrating now that I am an adult, in part because I feel kind of like a yuletide version of Julian Lennon, but my upbringing did leave me with very particular opinions about Christmas music. This was Mom’s doing, and so she gets the credit/blame for what follows:
BLURDS’ DEFINITIVE TOP TEN CHRISTMAS CAROLS LIST
Before we begin, here’s what I look for in a carol:
1. It old
2. It complicated
3. It’s not so much about the baby jesus (although I will definitely brook some exceptions if the baby jesus gets up to some wacky hijinx)
OK here we go
10. “Jolly Old Hawk”
The best Christmas carols are only tangentially about Christmas, and ”Jolly old hawk and his wings were grey - now let us sing, who’s gonna win the girl but me?” is a pretty promising opening gambit
This is basically the Twelve Days of Christmas, but better, because all the animals who are inexplicably getting sent to the lady in question are really grumpy about it, and also there’s something called a “three-thistle cock” involved
“this is the serious business high-church side of Christmas that I can get behind, because it’s about blood, deer and evergreens”