Testaments to the Boom Times to Come (Posts tagged ''and by each other I mean their frenzied reflections in their shattered mirrors'')

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
fursasaida
the-man-who-sold-za-warudo

Knight: I have trained in all forms of combat and weapons since birth. I cannot be bested.

Some horsecock motherfucker: 

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Knight: … What the fuck

cerastes

OH FUCK YES I GET TO TALK ABOUT LANTERN SHIELDS.

For anyone seeing this post and wondering what kind of unholy heresy is currently having a blacksmithing orgy in front of their eyes, this is called a Lantern Shield.

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This came from, YOU GUESSED IT, fucking Italy, home of lunatic steel-weaving mother fuckers who often simply looked at each other, and by each other, I mean their frenzied reflections in their shattered mirrors, and said “WHAT IF WE JUST DO THINGS”, which is, as we all know, Aunt Jemima’s recipe for success.

Lantern Shields were very indicative: They were meant to be bucklers that could carry a lantern, oftentimes for night time duels. Now, you’re wondering, why carry a lantern on a night duel when it could just prove detrimental to your overall movement? Why, to blind the mother fucker, of course! But, see, and this is the funny thing about Italy, when Italian blacksmiths realized that they could just add a hook to a buckler, they noticed they could also just add whatever the thrice condemned shit they wanted to them, so they started forging stakes, spikes, and blades that protruded out of the buckler and gauntlet as additional defense against anyone who, due to the poor visibility of mist shrouded, dark blanketed nights, would just walk right into your handheld barracks.

I mean, nothing better than a bloke closing the distance to you losing an eye or six because they didn’t consider you might just carry a porcupine on your arm, right?

Some specimens exists, but these are not numerous. If you know of or possess an actual, physical Lantern Shield, congratulations, you probably have an item that likely killed.

''and by each other I mean their frenzied reflections in their shattered mirrors'' weaponry but also writing