Testaments to the Boom Times to Come

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

HANNIBAL RECAP: S3E13

Previously on Hannibal: THREE YEARS OF AGONY

This time on Hannibal: BEAUTIFUL FUCKING AGONY

Season 3, Episode 13: “The Wrath of the Lamb”

I can’t. I can’t edit I can’t restrict, everything is just bleeding out ahahHH. I’m just going to wring my heart into this TextEdit doc and we will see what, y’know, COMES FROM THAT. I mean it’s Hannibal, my dear ridiculous gorgeous Hannibal, and god we did not just watch a probable series finale — we witnessed something. We have, all of us, born witness to the experiment that was Bryan Fuller’s Hannibal, on NBC. And fuck, did it go out with as much daring as it has ever had in its whole damn daring run.

Can you even BELIEVE. Our radically sensitive cannibalism show, with its dark weird heart beating love, love, love, until the very last.

But first —

Dolarhyde’s House of Horrors. He has Reba, the Princess kidnapped by the Dragon. He bids her put her hands around his throat, while he does the same to her. He has a key hanging on a string over his heart. She has a key within her heart, but she doesn’t know that yet.

He asks her to go lock the front door, to see if he can trust her. “Don’t try to run,” Dolarhyde warns. “I can catch you.” HOLY SHIT, Armitage. Fantastically scary delivery of that. Reba carefully makes her way to the front door, and naturally she’s like “aagh I’m going for it.” God who wouldn’t. I would, I totally would. But Dolarhyde is waiting right outside.

Did you FLY DOWN or what, you ass-bat.

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

HANNIBAL RECAP: S3E10

Previously on Hannibal: Will’s face symbolically shattered approx. 2 dozen times, Hannibal’s heart just once, but intensely

This time on Hannibal: Bedelia assumes the mantle of Troll Captain of the Vanguard, Reba assumes the actual mantle of God lbr

Season 3, Episode 10: “…And the Woman Clothed In Sun”

Sure, yeah that counts as a different title than the last episode, totally.

Ok! Where are we? Still unclear, geographically, but wherever it is that Dolarhyde lives! He’s doing some vocal warmups and swapping out the license plate on his car — sounds like the makings of a good night out. He drives to: HANNIBAL’S PLACE, still empty after all these years. How no one has yet snatched this fully equipped Clue house off the market is beyond me.

Dolarhyde does something impressively technical at a panel box and turns on the phones & the wifi, which you can see is at full strength on his laptop screen — that is if you can get past his MOODY DESKTOP BACKGROUND.

I love this, you aesthetical dweeb

He rings up the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Well-Tailored, and declares himself to be Hannibal’s lawyer with a surprisingly decent fake voice. Then Hannibal’s like “Allo” and poor Francis literally gASPs and freezes in Full Fanboy apoplexy for about a year.

“omg I can’t even”

Hannibal somehow immediately twigs one of Dolarhyde’s key hangups, assuring him that his current physical form is a mere triviality, and Dolarhyde’s all, “omg you get me, I knew you’d understand, you are so cool.” You really are the Franklyn of murderers, aren’t you.

Dolarhyde: “The important thing is what I am becoming.”
Hannibal: “Tell me, what are you becoming?”
Dolarhyde: “The G R E A T  R E D  D R A G O N.”

Sounds to me like you’re becoming B A T M A N,  but ok.

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

HANNIBAL RECAP: S3E6

So late, so sorry! If it helps this is like, the longest thing to ever be.

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Previously on Hannibal: we just wanted Will & Hannibal to be together again

This time on Hannibal: I’m beginning to wonder if we don’t know what’s good for us

Season 3, Episode 6: “Dolce”

Hannibal walks through Florence in the early dawn, a bloody wreck. It looks good. The sequence is woven with him cleaning up at home in the Copper Tub of Delicate Situations, dreamy dissolves causing water to stream into alleyways and blood drops to blossom from his shadow, et cetera. It’s bellissimo.

Oh and naturally Hannibal has some sort of stigmata on his palm, because why not, at this point? Go for broke. This would make Bedelia Mary Magdelen while she artistically squeezes loofahs over his head, but then she starts stitching up his wounds and is definitely just Dana Scully again.

“shhh I’m a medical doctor.”

Outside the Palazzo, the authorities are packing what’s left of Pazzi away. “Jack,” Will calls, and hones into view. He’s cut up & bruised all to hell, but Jack just silently shakes his hand while making this face:

“well I see you’ve been having a pleasant time in Lithuania, you unbelievable trauma magnet”

Honestly, you could send Will off on a trip to the grocery store and he would come back with nothing but a limp and a haunted expression, muttering that he forgot dog food.

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

HANNIBAL RECAP: S3E5

Previously on Hannibal: A lot of suits, mostly. The occasional sweater.

This week on Hannibal: More suits, accented by his own blood fuck yeah.

Season 3, Episode 5: “Contorno”

Our ongoing study of Will Graham Sitting Sadly in Various Means of Transportation continues from last episode’s sailboat to the train compartment he is currently in with Chiyoh, as some anonymous European countryside whisks gloomily by.

Strange Folks On a Train

Chiyoh is talking about growing up with young Hannibal. Apparently he used to burn random bark & things for her to learn to identify by scent alone — like a tiny Sherlock & Joan?? Imagine that version of events. I will.

Anyway, in real Hannibal-life Chiyoh is making some odd analogy about Hannibal as a charming cub who grew up to be just like the big cats. Ok. Will, ever eager to expand on people’s metaphors and take them in a yet weirder & more awkward direction, asks: “One you can’t play with later?” Will evidently just harbours dreams of Hannibal stalking a laser pointer around his office, aannd now I do too.

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

HANNIBAL RECAP: S3E3

Previously on Hannibal: Hannibal started a breadcrumb trail of body parts for Will to follow.

This week on Hannibal: Hey remember what the Wicked Witch wanted to do to Hansel & Gretel?

Season 3, Episode 3: “Secondo”

It’s Wine & Feelings Hour with Bedelia and Hannibal! What are we talking about tonight? Same thing we talk about every night: that glowery little ball of cannibal catnip, William Graham.

Bedelia: “Was it nice to see him?”
Hannibal: “It was nice. Among other things.”
Bedelia: “….”
Hannibal:

[x]

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

HANNIBAL RECAP: S3E1

Oh HECK yeah I’m doing Hannibal recaps. Gird your tasty, tasty loins, my friends – it’s Hanni time.

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Previously on Hannibal: “The couple that cannibals together stays together.” - said NO ONE EVER

This week on Hannibal: a Mood Poem, to the mood of “mmmmaaAAAIIEEE”

Season 3, Episode 1: “Antipasto”

WE BEGIN. BUCKLE UP BUDDIES, because we are literally on a motorcycle, driven by Hannibal Lecter. Maybe put on some extra buckles?

Hannibal zoom-zooms through Paris to a baroque remix of the music that plays in 2001: A Space Odyssey whenever people look at those black monoliths, and it is très creeptastic. He gets to some sort of private museum castle or something, filled to the brim with very edible rude fancy people, and begins to prowl through them with his motorcycle jacket & black snake eyes.

Dr. Hannibal Leather

I kinda get the feeling that this is Hannibal in his natural hunting grounds. Back in Baltimore he was like a panther among the strays, but here everyone is on his same level of pretentious fuckery & fine wines, and he’s just like “ahhh yes” and luxuriously flexing his murder muscles.

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

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