So I was Googling “list of star trek episodes with ice planets” and LOOK WHAT I FOUND INSTEAD
STAR TREK II, IV, and VI
Here is something: before this month, I did not know there were Star Trek movies with the original series cast! Turns out there are, and not only that: there are SIX of them. My god, Jim.
I was told just to watch the even numbered ones, and so I did. These are: The Wrath of Khan, The Voyage Home, and The Undiscovered Country.
Alright let’s talk about them! Spoilers for the 1980s.
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
“Ah Kirk, my old friend. Do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us, ‘Revenge is a dish that is best served cold’? It is very cold, in spaaace.”
– Khan
As far as I can figure it, there are two things that make The Wrath of Khan so excellent. One is Ricardo Montalbán as Khan, who looks utterly early-80s ~apocalyptic fabulous~ while serving up this richly literary villain, glamming ruthlessly around like Milton’s War King of the Wasteland. He is singularly fixed on destroying Kirk, as if humanity’s attempt to create our next Napoleon produced Ahab instead. That’s kinda brilliant as a commentary on the “Genesis” project — we never know what playing God might unleash. And keeping it personal is also a perfect plot choice, because the standard blockbuster threatening of the world or the galaxy is always grand beyond our reckoning, and our feelings. What we truly care about is the fate of the characters we love.
Which is the other great thing about The Wrath of Khan: our selfless, brave Spock. Probably I should have figured out I was going to spend this whole movie emotionally caught off-guard by known facts, when despite, y’know, the title, I literally gasped when we saw “SS BOTANY BAY” stamped on some space hardware. So it didn’t matter that I already knew this was that famous Star Trek story where Spock “dies”, that I even knew that needs to be in quotes because he’ll obviously come back — I lost it. I cried out when Spock put his hand up against the glass, I was choked up beyond all reason during Jim’s eulogy. Then Scotty started playing “Amazing Grace” on bagpipes and that was it, IN TEARS.
Also so affecting: the over-all theme of confronting aging, and what it really means to feel young. It was like I was all personally tangled up in it, watching these older versions of characters I’d met when they were decades younger. My heart kept turning over like when I went back to watch the Sirs in the original X-Men movies — old men now, but oh their spirits are just the same.
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
“Admiral! There be whales here!”
– Scotty
Speaking of the spirit being just the same, possibly there could not be a more perfect Star Trek movie than one where a giant space cylinder is very dramatically humming the Earth into a powerless rain-ravaged cloudball… just because it wants to say “hey” to some whales, which our team of renegade explorer-scientists must TRAVEL BACK IN TIME to fetch up in their STARSHIP. Probably the greatest movie plot our species has ever come up with.
What I think’s so special about The Voyage Home is that even with its big movie budget and big movie shape, it still has that culty, far-flung zany sweetness that characterized TOS. It is so ridiculous, and so ridiculously pure. The stakes are the planet, but the stakes are also Spock tearing off a strip of his monk bathrobe and tying it around his head to hide his ears, while Jim gazes at him like he’s the weirdo sun that gives off all the light in his life. It’s the horrified hilarity of realizing they’ve sent the Russian to seek out the “nuclear wessels” in Cold War San Francisco. It’s adding a lady scientist who is as wonderfully independent as she is curious and kind. It’s Dr. McCoy shedding his fantastic flight jacket and sneaking into a 20th century hospital to Save Chekov, and also Be Appalled. It’s watching Sulu deftly figure out how to fly a helicopter, learning that Uhura adorably pronounces the ‘H’ in ‘whales’, and getting completely overcome with emotions when the crew sees their Enterprise again.
Though perhaps most of all, it’s Spock explaining gently and seriously: “They like you very much, but they are not the hell your whales.”
Basically, The Voyage Home was just two hours of me grinning and placing a hand on me cheek. This is a perfect movie.
Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
“Quite correct, Mr. Chekov. What is required now is a feat of linguistic legerdemain and a degree of intrepidity, before the Captain and Dr. McCoy freeze to death.”
– Spock
I instantly agreed to watch this one when I was told it involved Kirk and Bones getting stranded on an ice planet, given my noted fondness for ICE PLANETS. It did not disappoint! In fact, through a series of events I’ll not bother to explain, this ice planet was the setting for one of my favorite moments of this entire TOS journey: Bones, completely bedecked in furs and scarves, conked flat out on his back like an unconscious snow angel, and then a tango of William Shatner grappling with William Shatner literally rolls over him. There seems to be a metaphor for McCoy’s life in this, I think.
Other highlights included:
- multiple sightings of starship-issue tea sets, which I must have immediately
- Sulu being the captain of his own ship
- candles!Spock
- a reference to Shakespeare “read in the original Klingon” that was so not a one-off that by the end I swear one of the Klingons was speaking exclusively in Shakespeare lines
- GRAVITY LOSS
- learning James Kirk’s middle name is Tiberius
- and that time the Enterprise became an Agatha Christie “the killer is among us” murder mystery
Overall, a pretty solid send-off for the original cast! Come for Bones in the snow, stay for Bones in the snow chattering fondly, “Why that cunning little Vulcan…”
TOS, aka OG Star Trek: The Experience
Well friends, I have watched a bunch of old Star Trek episodes. And ohhhh, I’m in this now, I’m in this DEEP.
Which ones did I end up watching? I will tell you! After so many fantastic and thoughtful suggestions, I put together all the eps recommended to me by multiple people (8 in number, bless a hivemind), arranged in an order that seemed to run from “this is a good introduction, and will help you properly appreciate” >> “BELOVED SPACE INANITY.” It was an amazing adventure and so then I watched most of the single-recs too.
Turns out there was Wisdom In the Group, and the first wave was also the first wave ~in my heart~, with the exception of a couple SOLID GOLD HITS from phase two. Which is honestly convenient as hell, as now we can round this out to ten.
THOSE TEN, with THE NOTES I TOOK:
1x11 ‘The Corbomite Maneuver’
- ahhh beware that screensaver! aw hell I’m already so into this
- good GOD do I love hokey ‘60s kitsch, I have made a good decision
- it was like Dr. McCoy was already my favorite, that is how this feels
- I’m really enjoying how much of this show seems to be just people looking intently at lights while considering what a pickle they are in
1x15 ‘Balance of Terror’
- Pickles In Space continues!
- is the navigation seat next to Sulu like the Defense Against the Dark Arts position on the Enterprise
- also how much of Sulu’s time does he spend slyly grinning at the foibles of whoever is next to him, and can I advocate for more of it please
- I have a lot of questions about uniforms, cuts of uniforms, and who gets to wear what color, but also kinda expect this knowledge to just osmosize into my mind over time
- the metallic gold rickrack on the cuffs is really excellent though
2x04 ‘Mirror Mirror’
- three eps in and ACTUALLY, rather surprised that Kirk/Spock was the thing! it seems just as likely that it could have been Kirk/McCoy, e.g. when Bones literally brushed blood off Jim’s lip with his thumb, and I said “??!!”
- UHURAAA!! finally. nice to properly meet you, girl.
- randomly Scottish engineer is a delightful decision, Scotty u rock
- update from Wikipedia: “Doohan tried a variety of accents for the part and decided to use a Scottish accent on the basis that he thought Scottish people make the best engineers.” oh my god. that is such a specific opinion, I am so charmed?
- wait Spock can connect to someone’s mind?? get oOOUUTT
- I love Captain Clever-Charm but good god he’s gonna give me a heart attack. STOP HEROIZING AND GET IN THE DAMN TRANSPORTER, SON.
- Spock is gloriously sarcastic for someone with ~no emotions~
2x01 ‘Amok Time’
- or he’ll DIE??? WHAT!! whaaaaaaat
- I feel like no one directly told me that Vulcans are just walking plot devices, and this is beautiful 2 me. the mind melding, the mating, WHAT’S NEXT
- bloodlust/actual-lust!Spock just cut Kirk a boob window in his puce shirt, and never in my wildest dreams could I have dreamt this up. but here it is, happening, in real life.
- oh yes oh yes, s u b t e r f u g e
- ok yes I get the Kirk/Spock now, that “Jim!” was deeply Extra
1x26 ‘The Devil in the Dark’
- it has just hit me that I had unthinkingly decided this McCoy’s first name was also Hank. Dear Me: pull yourself together
- update from Wikipedia: it’s Leonard
- Spock’s space-purse gives me life. oh wait it’s like…a tiny TV with a strap. EVEN BETTER.
- I love a show where the music goes Very Dire at the idea of enacting “a crime against science”
- “He’s a healer; let him heal” is the synopsis of my Bones fanfic
- BONES CAN CURE A RAINY DAY. this is the title of my second Bones fanfic.
- is it just me or do half of these shots have a vignette filter on them? it makes this whole show feel like, lovingly Instagrammed
1x23 ‘Space Seed’
- I love this one already. Kirk being roguishly superior, Spock delivering world-building exposition, abandoned ship floating in space like an episode of Firefly or something (which I realize was actually an episode of…Star Trek)
- new career goal: on-board Earth historian on a starship
- oh sure Spocksy, you’re “not capable” of irritation. suuure.
- BONES! dryly giving Khan advice on how to kill you most effectively! you brave grumppus, I love you
- “a group of Alexander’s, Napoleon’s…” pls tell me this ship was like, the suspended animation version of Clone High
- wow Khan is SUCH A DICK
- “Illogical.” / “Totally.” lol
- yeessss girls gotta stick together
- I totally get why they came back to this dictatorial überdude
1x05 ‘The Naked Time’
- all planets should be ice planets imo
- actually why did people rag on Prometheus so much, when space scientists taking off their protective garb is CLEARLY traditional
- Sulu’s interests include: botany, fencing, being flawless
- “Sulu, who is at heart a swashbuckler out of your 18th century” bless this episode
- “I’ll protect you, fair maiden!” / “Sorry, neither!” UHURAAAA
- so deep down Spock is… so tender and sad?? marvelous, keep going
- a relaysh I do love a lot is Ship Captain Maybe Wants To Sleep With Own Ship, If That Were Possible
- I’m laughing so hard it’s like, maybe I too have gone space-drunk?? ?
- AND they went back in time, WHAT AN EPISODE
2x15 ‘The Trouble With Tribbles’
- wow everyone is sooooo snarky today! two thumbs up
- Uhura and Chekov cooing over this furball is one of the cutest things I have ever seen
- I thought the universal love was just because of the Tribbles, but this whole episode is truly SO FUN. the pacing, the reveals, the quips
- this bartender’s Piling Up Tribbles physical comedy game is SPOT. ON.
- oh my god Scotty’s so gentle
- wow do I love it when they RUMBLE. their fight choreography is the dorkiest shit I have ever seen, it’s a fucking art form.
- I cannot stop cackling. Captain Kirk is just standing nips deep in a pile of Tribbles, DISGRUNTLED UNENDINGLY.
1x29 ‘The City on the Edge of Forever’
- oh no, Booooones!
- Masters of Nonchalance, these two
- it pleases me how easy it is to bait Spock, just by suggesting that he’s not an absurd genius-pants who can build a device that reads the future from nothing but Depression-era radio scraps and gumption
- what the hell, who is this 1930s sci-fi utopia girl!
- SPOCK BELONGS AT KIRK’S SIDE, wow, wow @ this episode, W O W
- McCoy just felt up a hobo, then collapsed to the ground weeping about how doctors used to cut and sew people like garments
- whoa that IS a fascinating moral dilemma….
- well we’ve hit the point where I now desperately wish to pose in one place and be beamed up somewhere
1x06 ‘The Enemy Within’
- every episode of television should open with George Takei holding a small dog in a fluffy space unicorn costume, with antennae
- best evil doppelgänger reveal I have ever seen? the eyeliner is a gr8 touch
- now Scotty is holding “the animal”
- William Shatner is having the time of his cheesy life, and SO AM I
- now he gets to hold the animal
- now Spock is telling him he’s the captain so he doesn’t have the luxury of being vulnerable, holy—
- now Spock is holding the animal, and I think I’ve zenithed out, this is unable to be topped
- Sulu is so good-humored! oh darling. remember earlier when you were just holding a horned spacedog and not freezing :(
- but ice planets are still the best I’m sorry
TO BE CONT’D!!!!