M*A*S*H, 3x02
Oh, and this, from Loudon Wainwright’s second episode, is several after the only other one where he had appeared and notably had no actual lines per se, in fact plausibly wasn’t even diegetic as he never seemed to be acknowledged by anyone else as he played his songs, meaning the effect of this was entirely that partway into an episode we suddenly cut to the two main characters sittin’ astride the fourth wall having a singalong with the band, until they notice the plot going by and have to just Buster Keaton onto the running board and get back to it.
M*A*S*H - Viewguide, S3
Are you interested in the long-running anti-war situation tragicomedy M*A*S*H (1972-1983), but there are simply so many asterisks and so many episodes?
Well I can’t help you with the asterisks, but nor can I help myself: I started watching all 11 seasons of M*A*S*H, and bringing back for you my viewing selections, chosen for The Qualities.
— — —
You should have seen me at Movie Madness pulling out the drawer for “TV: 1970s” and finding this complete stack of covers for all 11 seasons of M*A*S*H. Lost in the saaauuce.
But, amazing news: not only did I make the surprising discovery that what’s on Hulu is clearly a restored and remastered version of the far crunchier material on the DVDs, but also that I DEEPLY prefer the original laugh track! It turns out, the laughter is the score. They’d cut to it like music. Without that melody it was built around everything feels so off, so eerily quiet.
Incidentally, over the recent holiday weekend I sang all of 1.75 non-chorus lines of ‘Suicide Is Painless’ in the kitchen and my dad just said, “MASH.” We then talked about all our faves while playing solitaire and drinking maple whiskey sours by the woodstove. Cannot believe I’m getting such a fond memory with my father from M*A*S*H but I’m not sure why, that seems right.
Here are my own suggested favorites from the third season, the last of an era! /weeping
M*A*S*H - Season 3
Recommended sequence
3x02 ‘Rainbow Bridge’ - It is amazing that the first episode of this season that aired was the first episode of this season that aired, as everything about the second episode, ‘Rainbow Bridge’, feels like the premiere of the third season of a service comedy (slowly turning dramedy). The 4077th get a message from the Chinese that they have nine wounded American GIs that need more medical help than they can offer, and give their coordinates 50 miles behind the line. “Could be a trap, Trap.” GREAT STUFF. And hey, Season 3? Someone’s upgraded the photography department! She’s moving, folks (the camera). They also keep cutting to Loudon Wainwright perched above the camp with his guitar singing some absurd song about Tokyo like every third scene transition. Why? Couldn’t tell ya. Except to repeat the first line.
3x03 ‘Officer of the Day’ - Henry’s away and Frank makes Hawkeye be Officer of the Day. I love that when he’s backed into a management position, Captain Pierce is actually rather good at it. Tired and clever and humane. It’s gonna sound odd, but he’s almost Lawful, just his code is nothing Army regulation, simply Do The Least Harm. He is a stickler on that. Also contains the best visual punchline I’ve seen yet. Simply burst out laughing.
3x05 ‘O.R.’ - Ha ha I COULD EAT MY OWN HAND.
100% in surgery, zero laugh track, which does forever prove The Power of Editing (!) as it runs so beautifully, no weird stilted silence like when you take it out later, and also I’m changed as a person. 10/10 I am gnawing.
3x08 ‘Life With Father’ - This one is ultimately a lil’ silly sure, but I think I’m powerless to resist Radar, Father Mulcahy, and this young Korean mom moving Heaven & Earth to get a rabbi on the radio to walk them through performing a bris for her Jewish-Korean infant son. And that’s the A-plot, the B-plot is Hawkeye and Trapper are trying to complete a Hidden Picture to win a pony.
3x09 ‘Alcoholics Unanimous’ - I wasn’t going to include both alcoholism episodes, but this is such a good Margaret ep I couldn’t kick it out of bed. Loretta Swit is just so, so funny in this one. I was losing it. Even our impossible miscreants are like lol hang out with us! Favorite drunken scene yet, for sure for sure for sure for sure.
3x11 ‘Adam’s Rib’ - The fact that my dad spontaneously quoted a line from this episode to me, and not even one I would have thought particularly memorable, should alone earn it a spot on any recommendation list. But I too still find myself recalling multiple moments from this one. ‘Adam’s Rib'—it’s gotta be on here!
3x13 ‘Mad Dogs and Servicemen’ - Oh you know I’m here for an episode where in the first minutes Trapper is going, “Frank, that’s straight out of World War I, no one thinks ‘shellshock’ anymore!” Tragically we don’t actually get to see psychiatrist Sidney Freedman, their one-time comedic antagonist turned professional pal and poker buddy (I love this…so much), but I did send a plot synopsis to my own pal Jen, doctor of psychology and practicing therapist, for the psych eval, and her full report is pending but the abstract indicates that hey, Sid’s c. 1950s therapy for their phantom paralysis case (currently probably called a conversion disorder) might be a plausible approach! Remains to be seen if it would be strictly necessary for Hawkeye to have to role-play as Betsy Tough Love to this kid and feel chewed up about it, but it does make for good TV.
3x17 ‘The Consultant’ - This episode rules so, so hard. Love a sneaky cautionary taaaale! Definitely a far finer crafted story than ‘Alcoholics Anonymous’, but we’re including both for their various other appealing elements. Such as, here: a sublimely absurd interlude to a British camp where everyone is like “..Quite,” heavy bombardment, a scene with the trio in incredible swimming get-ups for the water tank pool Henry has made, tensely breathtaking surgery, and just a steady course of Alan Alda being rampantly bisexual in front of, across, and at one point directly to his own real life father. You love to can’t believe you’re seeing it.
3x18 ‘House Arrest’ - This one is sheer chaos and with an ending I don’t care for much, but the primary plot is Hawkeye & Trapper have possibly never been more dating. Really some peak absurd & precious ne'er-do-well pair behavior, and I just can’t keep this one from you, not here, not now..(!) I also quite like the bit with Radar & Klinger, and ultimately Hawkeye, having a moment of critical self-reflection on his own teasing. Damn Frank storyline, get out of here! Just give us more of the gang watching the new Gene Tierney picture.
3x19 ‘Aid Station’ - Literally cheered at the end of a Margaret monologue in this, a stand-out even before she and Hawkeye and Klinger are in the midst of actual hell together at the front, and work so hard & desperately and get so dear. Not to bandy about the term mutual respect, but Hawkeye bandies about the term mutual respect. Haha, [softly] help. Meanwhile, Trapper & Radar :’) & Henry :’) Second of two episodes this season, both of which I have very much included, where Colonel Blake has to make the decision to send some of his people to the front where they very much might die, and his heart just won’t rest until they’re back, which is always *primo.* Henryyy..!
This episode is M*A*S*H being funny and harrowing and sincere and really, really aware of humor as a way to try to shore against the loss of people you care about all in 25 minutes, which is why, in probably an even more dramatic move than any episode I’ve skipped yet: this is my Season 3 finale for you. This does goodbyes in wartime best this season, goofy, glorious, gutting, the whole cocktail. The ingredients are there in ‘Check-up’ and ‘Abyssinia, Henry’, but they haven’t been balanced in the shaker by as steady a hand as the ones that crafted ‘Aid Station’.
And you’ll learn what happened in the actual season finale at the beginning of Season 4, and as you should: just a few careful sentences with a pit beneath them, and in a moment when the loss has gotten even ❤️ worse.
Season 1 • Season 2 • Season 3 • To be continued
M*A*S*H - Viewguide, S2
Are you interested in the long-running anti-war situation tragicomedy M*A*S*H (1972-1983), but there are simply so many asterisks and so many episodes?
Well I can’t help you with the asterisks, but nor can I help myself: I started watching all 11 seasons of M*A*S*H, and bringing back for you my viewing selections, chosen for The Qualities.
— — —
I can tell I’ve really accessed the elder millennial (& elder) demographic with my M*A*S*H posting (doing…numbers? hullo!) by, above all, the 80% consistency rating of those reblogging it also adding tags. My people. We gotta find things later.
Season 2! Absolutely, get in here, loved this one: to bits. I did swing around the order again this time, primarily to pace the Hawkeye runs himself ragged episodes—too much of that at once might cause damage, nearly did me. I am kidding: I did not avoid this. Hi broken, I’m Dad!
M*A*S*H - Season 2
Recommended sequence
2x01 ‘Divided We Stand’ - A reintroduction to the 4077th in our second season together through the psychiatric officer sent to investigate whether they’ve all gone mad out there and should be broken up. Spoiler alert: of course, and of course not.
2x02 ‘5 O’Clock Charlie’ - Every day at 5 o’clock, a North Korean pilot flies overhead and tries* to bomb the nearby ammunition dump (*tries). Just chock-a-block with bits. Fun fact: Alda’s foppy infantry drag routine probably the moment I truly fell in love with him—“That’s about it.” This too would have made a wonderful season opener honestly, but we just get two!
2x04 ‘For the Good of the Outfit’ - And now we sit down with a thump: Hawkeye & Trapper try to get the American military to take responsibility for shelling a peaceful Korean village, and learn that the Army, surprise, has no whistleblower protection. No B-plot, we’re just doing THIS.
2x05 ‘Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde’ - In this hurt/comfort but we nearly forgot part of it fanfiction, Hawkeye Pierce stays awake doing surgery for…possibly 48 hours if I’ve calculated this right, but then after that another shift, and another…oh jesus. He stays awake for something like three days, all but spare minutes of it pulling bits of metal out of chest wounds, it breaks something in him, and then for the next night & day more he continues to sleeplessly wander the camp spooking and unnerving people like an irreverent broken ghost. This is probably the best episode I’ve seen yet. Every time you hear the sound of choppers, and he just looks up from the shadowed caverns of his eyes… HUGE ohh honey! episode, and also like, ..fuck. Fuucking fuck. “Dear Harry, Who’s responsible?” I could lovingly detail every single thing that happens in this, very up to and including the warm circumstances of the little closing scene, which I ache over.
2x09 ‘Dear Dad…Three’ - That’s WRITE, it’s another letter writing episode, with a number of differently toned scenes strung together with pretty impressive balance. A tense surgery, a goofy home video that accidentally makes everyone verklempt, a perfectly absurdist staff meeting, and meanwhile: The Gang Solves Racism! Well, corrects a racist. Involves ridiculous antics don’t even worry. Ginger has the funniest part and thank god.
2x10 ‘The Sniper’ - There’s a sniper. This is a situation where this episode is so well written and edited, just sterling 25 minute story construction, that I’ve deemed it too good to be sunk by its one too many sexual assault jokes. I mean kinda makes it even more of a peak early season M*A*S*H episode, if you think about it.
2x12 ‘The Incubator’ - One of my favorites of this season to be honest! An eventual sort of Milo Minderbinder riff on byzantine and corrupt Army supply chains, in which Trapper & Hawkeye wear their dress uniforms and at one point stand in as investigative journalists asking tough questions at a military press conference—hot.
2x13 ‘Deal Me Out’ - A wonderfully pitched antics ep, especially memorable for the deep bank of recurring guest players: Sidney Freedman, Sam Pak, and even Colonel Flagg. I have since started playing poker and it is remarkable how many elements of this exact game have already occurred. Minus the surgery.
2x11 ‘Carry On, Hawkeye’ - A flu epidemic sweeps the camp, and if the sight of people wearing masks and looking worried isn’t moving enough for you In Our Current Era, the only folks left standing as the war casualties keep coming in—Hawkeye, Margaret, Radar, and Father Mulcahy—trauma bond about it. Exquisite. I adore this one. Also another for the annals of Hawkeye shouting down the line to a superior officer about finding a husband.
2x24 'A Smattering of Intelligence’ - Honestly it’s not about these slipshod spies: it’s because Marlene Dietrich is back in town.
2x20 ‘As You Were’ - Love that when this started I was thinking eh it was probably not making my list. A whiplash episode par excellence. Hot Take! - I think this does the kind of thing ‘Sometimes You Hear the Bullet’ wants to do better than that one actually does.
2x22 ‘George’ - A scene or two into this one, Hawkeye comments in the mess tent that one of the kids they just sewed up was really bruised, and not in a combat way, like in a someone beat him way, and I idly muse, hey, in the version where we kick it up a notch: he was beat up for being gay, and comes out to Dr. Pierce because of course he comes out to Dr. Pierce, the kind chaotic bisexual energy is palpable even behind the surgical mask, and then self-identified Aunt Hawkeye has to figure out how to save him. I would have signed a statement giving up my blog in the event were this to actually come to pass, and done so laughing. But then in the year of our lord 1974, DO YOU KNOW WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED. Good thing my mouth was healing because I yelled.
Oh, and if you’re wondering if Benjamin ‘Homoerotics’ Pierce took this network-granted opportunity to come out as straight—
no.
2x21 ‘Crisis’ - They Were All So Cold, redux, variation: There Was Only One Tent. Not quite like that, although does include Hawkeye and Trap essentially sharing a bed and as many layers of Army surplus as they can scrounge while jibber-jabbering with Klinger as he puts on cold cream and Father Mulcahy does an impromptu stand-up bit in his Loyola sweatshirt, and for this and many reasons, this one about burst my heart in warm coziness. Easily the most endearing & domestic thing this show has done to me yet. I’m compromised. Haha fuck, I’m compromised!
Season 1 • Season 2 • To be continued
M*A*S*H - Viewguide, S1
Are you interested in the long-running anti-war situation tragicomedy M*A*S*H (1972-1983), this one, but there are simply so many asterisks and so many episodes?
Well I can’t help you with the asterisks, but I can help you maximize your time.
I have started watching this program in between dozing on interesting painkillers after a gum surgery (“Stoned and watching MASH. How very 70s of you.” - my high school English teacher & former Marine captain) (“I think I’m now old enough to ponder the sexiness of Alan Alda” - also my former high school English teacher & Marine captain) (we text)—and I have a crackpot, out-of-order, reduced (like a gravy) viewing diet for you for Season 1. Future seasons on the way.
M*A*S*H - Season 1
Recommended sequence
1x15 ‘Tuttle’ - Television pilots think what they need to do is introduce you to all the characters, but in sitcoms they are wrong: they need to introduce you to the milieu—the said situation. That is where you are being invited to stay for the next however many years of these actors’ lives. Season 1, episode 15 ‘Tuttle’ is a wonderful milieu-introducing episode. And you will still absolutely get an idea of who everyone is, during this mountingly absurd, perfectly contained episode about a character you do not need to know at all: the one & only (& imaginary) Captain Tuttle.
1x09 'Henry, Please Come Home’ - Hey, here’s another little secret: a storyline where things might be getting rearranged is a terrific way to show what everyone actually values, and will fight to keep. This is why the episode where Colonel Blake leaves is actually really well suited to an introductory episode. Additionally, you get everything from scruffy & disheveled Hawkeye & Trapper, sopping wet in a bathhouse Hawkeye & Trapper, and spiff & span in full uniform Hawkeye & Trapper. Get you men who can do it all.
1x06 ‘Yankee Doodle Doctor’ - In another world this is actually my pilot episode substitution, and you’ll understand why immediately. However, for a first impression it comes on a little strong—in multiple senses of the word, ho ho! My pet theory is that this is the episode that truly created M*A*S*H, with Alan Alda and Wayne Rogers just fully swinging a couple rungs up the Kinsey scale for a lark and then refusing to come back down from there, comedy bits that get broad enough to just skirt too much, and then it all crashing down into an ending that reminds us where they are, and why they’re like this.
1x07 ‘Bananas, Crackers, and Nuts’ - Speaking of, let’s now indulge in a cracked showcase for our main man, our guy, Captain Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye’ Pierce, “MD: manic depressive” (actually a line from 'Tuttle’) (Tuttle!)
1x11 ‘Germ Warfare’ - Just a light & solid little episode with Pierce & McIntyre in fine duo form, ambling along an evergreen plot line: how can we bother Frank about it. This time: by literally stealing his blood. They vaant it! (For medicine.)
1x12 'Dear Dad’ - I’ve come back to add this one back in. The structure this originated is just too integral to the M*A*S*H thing. Also the opening of Hawkeye, bundled up, sipping a martini and writing to his father under a mellow horn, is a cherished touchstone of this blog.
1x19 ‘The Longjohn Flap’ - Beautifully imagined antics episode for later in a season, where you can really capitalize on community dynamics. I love an Important Object moving through a large cast. I love watching people be comically cold. I love it!
1x21 ‘Sticky Wicket’ - An historic episode that years later actually led to House, M.D. I have no citation for that I just feel it to be true. It’s important for your show’s multifaceted longevity to also be confronted with Hawkeye’s obsessive, egotistical side—always there with a character like this, particularly a doctor character.
1x20 ‘The Army-Navy Game’ - Sublime. This does that bleak, Catch-22 style black comic military absurdism perfectly. The absolute pop the champagne we did it boys ~finale~ of the first season.
M*A*S*H is streaming in the U.S. (unconfirmed in other countries) on Hulu. The episodes are about 25 minutes. There is a laugh track. They were forced into one—you’ll notice they got a pass to drop it in the surgery scenes, marked as the dark jokes do not drop off entirely. I have been surprised to find I haven’t been much bothered by it, thought I would be. It often seems to just further underscore the wry surrealism of it all—through irony, but you work with what you have. The DVDs reportedly have an optional audio track without the canned laughter, and I am absolutely going to be picking up a season from our retro video rental shop, once I can drive on nothing but ibuprofen. Will report back. As well as on: Season 2
Season 1 • To be continued