Children playing with Barbies in media: “This is Sally. She’s the mommy. She loves fashion, swimming, and she drives a convertible! She has a baby with Ken and sometimes they kiss.” OR “Look, I ripped Barbie’s head off! Ha ha ha! I’m a boy.”
Children playing with Barbies in real life: “This is Aurora, the fallen goddess of the sky. She has been banished from her kingdom and bound to a mortal body by her sister, who rose to power by human sacrifices. She now leads an army of cannibal water spirits who eat men. Sometimes they have orgies. They dismembered a traitor and keep her head on a Popsicle stick as a warning to others. Aurora can turn into a wolf and uses battle magic to paralyze her enemies. The king of the stuffed animals developed rabies and she had to slay him to save his people, but they do not understand that it was an act of mercy and kindness and are sending assassins after her for regicide. This is Aurora’s soulmate, Crystal, but her soul is trapped in a gemstone while an evil spirit pilots her body and attempts to murder her friends.”
“Are we going to thrive? Are we going to thrive, Goosey, or are we going to wither? Are we going to thrive within the framework of the system or in spite of it? Ouch! That’s right, Goosey. I feel pain. I feel many types of pain.”
—My dad talking to our dog, Goose, first thing in the morning
I honest to god thought this was gonna be a passage from a Great American Literature™ from the early 20th century, like, something you’d find on the same shelf as The Grapes Of Wrath or Waiting For Lefty.
Is your father Eugene O’Neill?
#GetTinaThick2017
I’m convinced he a nature demigod or be using pheromones
He gave the deer a spoon
he’s Saint Francis
like full on this child is the Saint Francis we deserve right now