Testaments to the Boom Times to Come

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

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Watch Log

The movie journal of Tarra Martin, enthusete.

It’s here, it’s live, it’s generically titled to allow myself tonal flexibility. It is: wellntruly’s vaguely more professional FILM BLOG!

I figured the time to link is now (and not eleven days ago when I… actually started it) because I’ve just published the first of two posts on the X-Men franchise, and that might hold some interest for at least a few of you.

If you go backward, you will also find write-ups on Blade Runner and Metropolis. I don’t know why the loose science fiction theme so far, but rest assured I will duly mess that up by careening over into like, Gosford Park and A Single Man.

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

fingerribbon replied to your post: X-MEN: APOCALYPSE

Freel doe. Dis whole thing is a goram mess. Not enough Jubilation Lee! If your going to put her in the movie, we’ve gotta see those spirit fingers sparkle. And the characters we love at the heart of these movies didn’t get enough time. Like give me an Erik movie already. The only moment that made me sit up and grab all 17 years worth of my lil bros locks was the phoenixing. He had to forcibly remove my hand from his scalp. I am glad this Singer’s last hurrah.

I’ve gathered she was that little cutie in the yellow jacket? I wanted more of her too! She’s gotta be in the next one right, like that’s surely the intent here? Setting up a new gen?

AS IF I WOULD NOT PAY TOP DOLLAR FOR A MAGNETO MOVIE. Magneto is not the sidekick of some ancient block of cobalt, he HOVERS AROUND IN AN ASYMMETRICAL CAPE and makes GRANDILOQUENT SPEECHES about MUTANT STRENGTH and “TOO LONG HAVE WE….” and “YOU CAN’T STOP ME, CHARLES.”

Is this truly the last Singer X-Men because that would be encouraging. ~Refresh, Renew, Rejuvenate~

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

Anyhow I’ve had this screencap saved on my desktop as “Sharkneato” for the past twenty-five days

it peps me up

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

X-MEN: APOCALYPSE

I may as well have turned my wishlist / predictions into a bingo board, and WE ALL WOULDA GOTTEN BLACKOUTS. Literally the first line describes them all as magical children, I just. Wow. Superhero franchise of my dreams.

Long incoherent hella spoilers to follow, and by that I probably mean me just yelling things that happened and then LAUGHING UPROARIOUSLY.

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

[tenderjock]

imagine if wolverine was a cool bi lady

[tenderjock]

bi lady wolverine who is exactly the same in every other respect. she still goes by logan. she still wears flannel and denim and smokes cigars. she still gets into barfights but is really gentle and supportive with teenage girls. she doesnt smile much. she doesnt shave.

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

Just in case any of this was not clear, what I’m actually expecting/hotly anticipating in the new X-Men movie is not, like, some stunning crafted work of well thought out action cinema. Haha, no.

I want:

- ludicrous cataclysm “plot” that everyone gamefully….ignores
- my magical children to be fondly re/introduced, and then promptly thrown into mAyHeM
- distracting costumes, costumes that make you think
- things like “is that jacket made out of a space blanket”
- “is it actually impossible for Hugh Jackman to zip a hoodie over his shoulders”
- “is that a lavender sweater”
- NIGHTCRAWLER
- when it comes time to fight some shit and it’s just power co-pros everywheerrre god I love that
- lampshading indistinguishable from gag reel ad libs
- **Mutation As Metaphor**
- Charles and Erik being terrible dramatic exes at each other
- (not a metaphor)
- “Erik...”
- tears

And what I FUCKING LOVE about this franchise, is that all of this is just #brand. X-Men knows what I want. X-Men is my superhero Jupiter Ascending.

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

[hellotailor]

my fav part of X-MEN: APOCALYPSE is when the supervillains pose like the cover of a 1980s BDSM-goth techno album, while Xavier reclines on the ground in a lavender sweater.

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

[magnetox]

To be completely honest, I don’t remember much about the 1970s. I can’t tell if it was because of my love of recreationally imbibing laudanum or if it was because I was inexplicably a part of some time traveling hoo-ha jamboree. 

The thing about time travel is that there’s no way to know how often you’ve done it. Or if you’ve done it. It’s like sex like that.

Anyway, what little I can recall of the 70s now involves Charles somehow learning to walk again. He was a very smug bipedal and he wore his facial hair like Jesus. You know Jesus, right? He’s a drug dealer down on Santa Monica boulevard. Jesus knew how to make laudanum that made me feel like I could fly and so I decided to teach myself how to fly without it. I’m determined like that. 

The 1970s were also about neckerchiefs. There was a little boutique called JC Penneys in suburban Sedona that sold neckerchiefs for only $3. I often think about JC Penneys. Men need neckerchiefs like butterflies need wings: without them we are but worms.

—p. 17, Volume 5, The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr

[Testaments to the Boom Times to Come]

[magnetox]

I like to bring knives to gunfights. It’s thrilling to take some rule that humans have invented, like “don’t wear a cape in the summertime”, and break it. For me, I have to constantly do little things to remind myself that I’m not a freak of nature–as some would have me believe–but a god who can bend nature to my will. I can wear white after labor day. I can bed a lady on the first date and take her out again. I can board an international flight to Brazil without taking Airbourne or using hand sanitizer and not get a cold. I can do whatever I want.

Charles tried to control me. I can see now as a wise old, yet still sexually spry, sage why he would try to. If I could control people’s thoughts, I would also want to control people’s actions. It’s not merely that I am supremely empathetic, but I can relate. I can manipulate everything made of metal in the world. I still wish I could also manipulate plastic and paper. If I could manipulate all three of those resources, I could save the environment by recycling everything with the power of my mind. 

I feel like a failure sometimes because I cannot save the environment. But I’ve murdered a ton of Nazis, so you could say I’ve done my part for Planet Earth.

p. 442, Volume 4, The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr