On this bitch of an Earth as it is in Heaven.
catholics in film: very strict. no singing or dancing!!! everyday we wear black
all the catholics I know irl: WHERE👏ARE👏THE👏BOOZE👏?????
Listen the first miracle Jesus ever performed was turning water into wine and early Catholics were like “well Jesus if you insist” and they never looked back
I worked at the front desk of my university’s Jesuit community. One time a priest came in and said “I have a delivery of holy water for Father Murphy.”
“Great! You can just leave it with me.”
“Well,” he coughed, “not literal holy water.”
“Oh,” I said. “Is it not blessed yet?”
“Not exactly,” he said, and dropped a case of merlot on the desk.
This is among the most Peak Jesuit stories I have ever heard.
Variations On A Theme
God said to Adam: you may eat of any other tree in the garden, but you must not eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, for when you eat of it you will die. And Adam fashioned an axe, and he cut down the Tree of Knowledge. And God asked “Adam, what have you done?” And Adam said “I refuse to be complicit in my own temptation.”
God said to Adam: you may eat of any other tree in the garden, but you must not eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, for when you eat of it you will die. So Adam picked the fruit of the tree and planted it in the ground. A few years later, another Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil grew from the place he had planted it, and Adam ate the fruit of that one.
God said to Adam: you may eat of any other tree in the garden, but you
must not eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, for
when you eat of it you will die. But the serpent told him this was lies,
and that if he ate from the Tree of Knowledge he would not die, but
would become as God. “How do you know?” asked Adam. “Have you eaten the
fruit?” “Yes,” said the serpent. “I have tasted of it, yet I did not
die.” So Adam ate the serpent.
God said to Adam: you may eat of any other tree in the garden, but you
must not eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, for
when you eat of it you will die. And Adam asked “The fruit of the Tree?”
And God said “Yes, the fruit of the Tree”. So Adam picked the leaves of the Tree and made a delicious Good
And Evil Salad.
God said to Adam: you may eat of any other tree in the garden, but you must not eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, for when you eat of it you will die. Adam desired to taste of the fruit, and he decided that if he was going to get in trouble for breaking a commandment he might as well go all out. So he waited until the tree was heavy with fruits, then binged on all of them in one sitting. And the Lord definitely cast him out of Eden - but on the plus side, thousands of years later his descendants had excellent moral compasses and always knew the right thing to do in every situation.
God said to Adam: you may eat of any other tree in the garden, but you must not eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, for when you eat of it you will die. And Adam obeyed the commandment, and instead he ate of the Tree of Knowledge of Cool and Uncool. Then he saw his own nakedness, and found it unfashionable, so he made a snazzy jacket out of leaves and bark. And the Lord saw the jacket, and said “Adam, have you eaten from the Tree of Knowledge of Cool and Uncool?” And Adam said “You’re not my dad, you can’t tell me what to do.” And the Lord sent him forth from the garden, but Adam just said “Laaaaaaaaaame”.
“but on the plus side, thousands of years later his descendants had excellent moral compasses and always knew the right thing to do in any situation.” Which is not to say they *did* it, they just knew what they *should* do.
“so Adam ate the serpent”
when i see the same post on my dash for the millionth time i roll my eyes but in fact this is short-sighted and intolerant. we reblog certain things over and over the way the devout say the same prayers over and over. the reaffirmation of truths recognized within a specific community. the ritual reconfirmation that one belongs inside the protective circle of those truths. batman was a mary sue. this we believe. amen.
sometimes people try to tell me that scientists are paragons of rationality and I have to break it to them that I have yet to work in a lab that didn’t have at least one weird secret shrine in it
new guy: why is all of the equipment in this room covered in toys?
me: dONn’t touch those
new guy:
me: they need the toys to function. if they don’t all have toys they get jealous.
new guy:
new guy:
me: when something breaks just take the wizard and wave it around for a while. they seem to like that.
This is from God’s Own Junkyard in Walthamstow, London. The artist is Chris Bracey. So bizarre to see it on Tumblr! Neon Jesus has been carved in my memory as my most familiar phone background/lockscreen (I had it for years) and I had sort of forgotten he was Real.
I love my job ⚛❤
Our lab had a shrine complete with a deity (a moose plushie). It was specifically for PCR but was open to all who needed to beg for mercy.
PCR prayer by richardatuct:
Our Taq, who aret in buffer,
hallowed be your primers.
Your amplification come,
your will be done,
In vitro as it is in silico.
Give us this day our amplification,
and forgive us our pipetting errors,
as we forgive those who contaminate our samples.
And lead us not into biochemistry,
but deliver us from ethidium bromide.
For all reactions up to 50 cycles.
Amen.
A friend of mine once argued that the mechanicum of warhammer 40k couldn’t happen because of the kind of people he imagined scientists, technicians, and engineers were…
My cousin, all dressed up and about to go to some club: “hey can I borrow that that pink lipstick you were wearing the other day?”
Me, sitting cross-legged on a stool, trying to inhale the smoke of burning bay leaves in front of me because I want to see if you can get high on that shit since it’s rumoured that the priestess of Delphi used to do that, but no one is sure if it really worked, you know: “it’s on my desk”
My cousin: “okay… have… fun…”
I just realized I was subconsciously trying to recreate this painting
Apollo speak to me
Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & the Catholic Imagination, or: The Met Gala Does Catholic Art Ho
Every year the Metropolitan Museum of Art throws a big fancy fashion party with a theme seemingly picked solely for the ASTOUNDING potential to dazzle, and every year 90% of the attendees fail to clear even the most minimum of bars. This is one of those years, because it is every year.
BUT, that 10% who actually went for something went pretty dang FOR IT this particular May, an IMPROVEMENT over last, and we’re here for it. We being my bff Jen and I.
Jen: I’m in it for the Opulent Imagery™
Jen: Angel wings and tall hats and people doing their best cosplay of Jude Law
Jen: Rihanna comes dressed as the entire Ghent Altarpiece, etc.
Me: C O R R E C T
HERE ARE SOME OF OUR FAVORITE LOOKS
**Caveat: I do not give a flying buttress if it skews more Byzantine or Eastern Orthodox than strictly Catholic, just make it loud.
RIHANNA
Jen: it’s everything I wanted.
CARA DELEVINGNE
CONFESS, but make it FASHION
CARDI B
Holy Mother of—
LILY COLLINS
I don’t know who the hell this is but I LOVE this little goth number, YES. And saint tear-drop eyes!
LANA DEL REY
GUCCI SERAPHIM, HEART ARROWS, I feel weak.
ZENDAYA OF ARC
I mean lead us into battle, christ.
CHADWICK BOSEMAN
Finally, a fucking VESTMENT.
JORDAN ROTH
Okay okay a few dudes actually showed up!
ARIANA GRANDE
She’s wearing the goddamn Sistine Chapel and looks adorable, this is just so likable what do you even do
GRETA GERWIG
Whaaaaaaat yes, yes u went to Catholic school, girl! This is nuts I like it.
DONALD GLOVER
Me: But like, again, great color Donald Glover but, a suit?
Jen: NO NO THE BACK OF IT
Jen: They don’t show it in that picture, which is a travesty
Me: Oh SHIT
Me: AND HIS LITTLE TWO FINGER PAPAL GESTURE LIKE A PEACE SIGN
KATE BOSWORTH
This is stunning, and Very art history
Sub Category: Stand-Out Headpieces
Rosie Huntington Whiteley, Lynda Carter, Janelle Monáe, Amber Heard
Okay, in conclusion:
- way more commitment than last year, pls keep it going
- I know I’m missing some peeps but it’s laaate I gotta turn in
- none of them had the sand to go as slutty St. Sebastian so men are Canceled