why is nobody talking about this
Breaking: Fantasy Author Used Last Apostrophe
PORTLAND, OREGON - Aspiring fantasy author Joseph Dagny used worlds last apostrophe today. “I didnt even know that was a thing you could do,” Dagny, 23, told the Times in an exclusive interview. Until today, Dagnys 253,000 word manuscript contained over 10,000 apostrophes, primarily within the words of a “conlang” or constructed language.
High school English teachers are rioting in the streets, calling for Dagnys arrest. One, who asked to remain anonymous, confided that, “Im not sure whether to be upset that all the grammar rules Ive taught are defunct, or happy that Ill never have to see a sign reading book-apostrophe-s again.”
Meanwhile on the internet, life goes on. Tumblr user assbuttcheeks stated, “ive never used an apostrophe in my entire gotdamn life, i dont even know how to read.”
The Times has reached out to forensic linguists studying the phenomenon of apostrophe depletion. No linguist has called us back, but Noam Chomskys email autoresponder stated, “Im on vacation. And no, thats not what a forensic linguist does. Please stop fucking emailing me.” Call us back, Noam.
Hannibal characters + texting
Will Graham: forgets to answer texts all the time, often sends one word replies or a long, continuous sentence with no punctuation. Overuses question marks?????
Hannibal Lecter: hates texting, always calls people unless he’s forced not to. Sighs whenever he sees a mistake in someone else’s text, but doesn’t point it out.
Alana Bloom: takes forever to type, and always uses proper punctuation. That might be half the reason why. The other half would be that the messages she sends are always way too long with a lot of superfluous information.
Freddie Lounds: fast fast fast texter. Simple and witty. Always points out people’s mistakes, and somehow never seems to make any of her own. Absoloutely infuriating.
Beverly Katz: easy going texter, lots of slang and emojis. Spam texts often, but it’s sort of endearing.
Jack Crawford: another slow go-er, and doesn’t understand emojis at all. Can’t type with his thumbs and gets frustrated when he sees other people doing it.
Brian Zeller: autocorrect is the bane of his life, and is constantly put into awkward situations because of it. Everyone in his contacts has (mostly rude) nicknames.
Jimmy Price: will write a text, then forget to send it. Has a tendancy to send extremely random links and photos of whatever he’s researching at that point.
Jack is definitely that boomer who freaks out his team by trailing off texts with a disapproving-like ellipsis when he only means it to convey “I’m not shouting this.”
Why don’t we ever talk about the fact that leonard nimoy had to walk off set because of tooth pain and show up at his dentist dressed as spock
Also Brent Spiner broke his mandible during the filming of ‘The Game’ and had to be taken to hospital dressed as Data
an earthquake happened near the DS9 set once and Armin Shimerman went racing home to his family in full-on Quark makeup
Andy Robinson also went home after that earthquake in full Garak makeup and the traffic lights weren’t working so people had to make eye contact at the intersections and he says everybody always let him go first
This post has been circulating around for a couple of years and this is the first addition that I genuinely didn’t know about and gOD HOW DID I NOT KNOW
new favorite brand of humor:
mixing different kinds of scales, such as:
- The Scoville-Schmidt scale, for measuring how many wasps you can eat
- The Schmidt-Fujita scale, for measuring wasp storms
- The Kinsey-Kardashev scale, for measuring how gay a civilization is
- The Mohs-Scoville scale, for how measuring hard a pepper is
- The Mohs-Kinsey scale, for measuring how glam you are
- The Kardashev-Scoville scale, for measuring how civilized a pepper is